New Semester(2) Day 1

12-12-2024

Today,

The new semester started. I honestly didn't feel that joyous regarding that. I could've spoken with new people and formed new connections with them but haven't done that and my first instinct was to go and sit with old friends. The new teachers felt boring maybe because it was a subject I didn't know. This happened with me when I joined VIT during start. I didn't like it back then too. 

Today, the first period started with differential equations class with the madam telling us to focus on practice and she was explaining the basic expressions of differential equations. I sat with Vishal in that period, the whole class felt alien. I sat with him because I did not want him to become uncomfortable with new people. Maybe I shouldn't have done that but it felt like a relief sitting with him. I asked two people in front of me which department they are from. They said "Data Science" and turned around, no interest in becoming friends. That was really such a down for me because I did not expect the first stranger I speak to would blatantly reject getting to know each other. Maybe they had their own friend group.

The second period was C language. The sir gave the introduction about the course. I sat with Sanjay in last second bench. Then sir told to come front. I went and sat with Amit. Dude sat with me in EPT it seems, I did not remember but he remembers it well. Such an awesome thing. Bro was pretty chill too. He wanted to talk with the girl in front of us but at last he gave up because he couldn't muster the courage. He asked me to speak to her first but I didn't because he was the one who was interested in speaking to her. He was like "I will atleast speak to this girl today", I didn't want to ruin his fun. He asked me about how to start a conversation. I told him to ask her about her department atleast. Then he told me that everyone has the same department. He didn't have a good conversation starter. At last, he was like "fuck it! I am not doing it". It was pretty fun tbh.

After that we had four lab classes and I sat with Sarvesh as usual in those classes.

I am feeling tired a lot these days, is it because of food? is it because I need a break? I need to refresh my mind I guess. How do I do that? Maybe this is a burnout. I am not feeling like reading a manga too. Everything feels bland. Even video games don't hit me the way they used to these days. I do not know what to do. 

I do not have confidence in my calculus marks from last sem. I may be barely passing. I am scared of what my parents will think and how disappointed they will be once they find out that they're investing 2 Lakh for each semester and I am bringing the worst grades ever. How should I make up the mindset suitable for better productivity?